Schadenfreude

ROCKY RACCOON

2005-05-06T18:05:00.000-04:00

Now somewhere in the black mountain hills of Dakota
There lived a young boy named Rocky Raccoon
And one day his woman ran off with another guy
Hit young Rocky in the eye Rocky didn't like that
He said I'm gonna get that boy
So one day he walked into town
Booked himself a room in the local saloon.

Rocky Raccoon checked into his room
Only to find Gideon's bible
Rocky had come equipped with a gun
To shoot off the legs of his rival
His rival it seems had broken his dreams
By stealing the girl of his fancy.
Her name was Magil and she called herself Lil
But everyone knew her as Nancy.
Now she and her man who called himself Dan
Were in the next room at the hoe down
Rocky burst in and grinning a grin
He said Danny boy this is a showdown
But Daniel was hot-he drew first and shot
And Rocky collapsed in the corner.

Now the doctor came in stinking of gin
And proceeded to lie on the table
He said Rocky you met your match
And Rocky said, Doc it's only a scratch
And I'll be better I'll be better doc as soon as I am able.

Now Rocky Raccoon he fell back in his room
Only to find Gideon's bible
Gideon checked out and he left it no doubt
To help with good Rocky's revival.

ISAMBARD KINGDOM BRUNEL

2005-05-06T17:01:00.000-04:00

TODAY

2005-05-05T12:37:00.000-04:00

Zabriskie Point, 1970. Desert orgy sequence. Refrigerators exploding in slow-motion scored by Pink Floyd. Warning: Facile Symbolism. Watch it stoned and naked.

JUST WALK AWAY

2005-05-04T13:49:00.000-04:00

"Why be a satirist when you could be a satyr?" asks Momus at Click Opera. Good question.

What I want to know is wether the eye patch is fashion accessory or... y'know, necessary.

DON'T MESS WITH OUR LOVE

2005-04-29T19:55:00.000-04:00

I'm a big fan of de Dears.

MATADOR OF SHAME

2005-04-29T19:12:00.000-04:00

Flithy disgusting smut!

WAR ON DRUGS

2005-04-29T18:45:00.000-04:00

I don't really do coke and don't have much to say on the subject. Except maybe that people are doing it like it's going out of style. Which maybe it is.

ZONGAMIN

2005-04-29T12:53:00.000-04:00

HITLERJUGEND

2005-04-11T19:57:00.000-04:00

IT'S NO GAME, PT. 1

2005-04-06T18:52:00.000-04:00

Tokyo Girls by Hellen van Meene

LITANY AGAINST FEAR

2005-04-04T18:31:00.000-04:00

I must not fear
Fear is the mind-killer
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration
I will face my fear
I will permit it to pass over me and through me
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing
Only I will remain

TERMINAL PACKET LOSS

SHIVERING KING

2005-03-30T12:28:00.000-05:00

I snooze I looze.
Dead Meadow played last night. I totally spaced on that one. Bummer.
I was gonna get bombed with Longback and everything.

YOO DOO RIGHT

2005-03-24T19:05:00.000-05:00

Ever since I was a kid, whenever I hear people laughing nearby my immediate reaction is to think they're laughing at me.

Also, sometimes when I see strangers laughing about I-don't-know-what, I laugh too. I agree with them that something must be funny so I laugh. Afterwards I feel really creepy. I feel like a dumb ape.

LAST GASP

2005-03-24T17:21:00.000-05:00

Le Dernier Cri.
Is Comics dead or is it undead?

CARDINAL RICHELIEU

2005-03-23T17:07:00.000-05:00

Louis XIV. Super rocking band. Sounds like Mark E Smith fronting Slade. If you don't know who Mark E Smith or Slade are, you will like this band anyway. Actually, never mind that shitty comparison. I'm an ignorant bastard.

KING OF BEERS

2005-03-22T18:37:00.000-05:00

This just in: Carrie left the Von Bondies in September of last year. Why the fuck didn't anyone tell me?

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG

2005-03-22T18:29:00.000-05:00

Carrie Von Bondie makes me nervous.

ROAD TO NOWHERE

2005-03-22T13:50:00.000-05:00

Well we know where we’re goin’
But we don’t know where we’ve been
And we know what we’re knowin’
But we can’t say what we’ve seen
And we’re not little children
And we know what we want
And the future is certain
Give us time to work it out

We’re on a road to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin’ that ride to nowhere
We’ll take that ride

I’m feelin’ okay this mornin’
And you know,
We’re on the road to paradise
Here we go, here we go

Chorus

Maybe you wonder where you are
I don’t care
Here is where time is on our side
Take you there...take you there

We’re on a road to nowhere
We’re on a road to nowhere
We’re on a road to nowhere

There’s a city in my mind
Come along and take that ride
And it’s all right, baby, it’s all right

And it’s very far away
But it’s growing day by day
And it’s all right, baby, it’s all right

They can tell you what to do
But they’ll make a fool of you
And it’s all right, baby, it’s all right

We’re on a road to nowhere

FUTURE

2005-03-21T12:54:00.000-05:00

Everytime I hear Dizzee I think This is what music will sound like in the future. I guess it sounds exotic to me. I have no idea what he's saying three quarters of the time. He's great, though, isn't he?

KEEPING THE WOLVES FROM THE DOOR

2005-03-17T12:37:00.000-05:00

When I was a young lad I took drugs and had a vision: Trent Reznor clad entirely in fur(coat, hat & boots) riding a black snowmobile across a wintry, moonlit landscape straight out of Doctor Zhivago, flanked on either side by a pack of growling, howling wolves, racing thru thickets, atop frozen lakes, cutting a line across the windswept Russian steppes...

In international who-the-fuck-is-in-charge-here oh-yeah-I-forgot-why-am-I-kidding-myself news, heroic Neocon Paul Wolfowitz has been nominated as head of the World Bank. He is replacing James D. Wolfensohn. That's two wolves in a row. Lupus ho!

THOSE WERE SIMPLER TIMES

2005-03-09T18:33:00.000-05:00

THE UNION FOREVER

2005-03-09T18:12:00.000-05:00

FOR YOUR PLEASURE

2005-03-08T11:34:00.000-05:00

This Kobushi dude is awesome. Too bad I don't read japanese...

COVERS PART I

2005-02-21T14:03:00.000-05:00

WEIRD WAR
If You Can't Beat 'Em, Bite 'Em
2004

LOU REED
Live: Take No Prisoners
1978

OPUS PISTORUM

2005-02-18T16:14:00.000-05:00

I've only just started Under the Roofs of Paris by Henry Miller. I read three pages on my lunch break and had to stop. The contrast between where I was and what I was reading grew into a great dark chasm. If you've ever read it you might understand.

It's my first time reading any of Miller's work. When I was younger, maybe ten or eleven years ago, I got my hands on a book of Anais Nin's short stories. This stuff was a little beyond the scrambled porn and stollen Penthouses of the time, and I guess a lot of it flew over my head.

TWO BLACK MOUNTAINS

2005-02-16T15:13:00.000-05:00

BLACK MOUNTAIN circa 2005

BLACK MOUNTAIN circa 1981

Black Mountain 2005 is my new favorite band.

I don't know what Black Mountain 1981 sounds like (but I'm willing to bet fifty dollars they were strongly influenced by Fleetwood Mac).

NOTHING TO DO, NOWHERE TO GO

2005-02-16T13:55:00.000-05:00

Photo by Bill Owens

SEXCAPADE

2005-02-15T16:11:00.000-05:00

The new issue of Vice Magazine is out. It's all about doin' it.

PULLING BONERS

2005-02-15T15:44:00.000-05:00

Thanks yet again to Warren Ellis.

BLOWIN' IN THE WIND

2005-02-15T15:01:00.000-05:00

The Dylan fixation continues.
Why now? I've known about the guy for years. I've had The Best of Bob Dylan since I was sixteen and that was good enough for me. Now, all of a sudden, I find him utterly fascinating, brilliant, extraordinary and I want all his records from Bob Dylan to Blood On the Tracks. Could be cuz I just read his book.

STARING AT THE SEA

2005-02-10T13:53:00.000-05:00

What is love?
Baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
No more

TOMBSTONE BLUES

2005-02-08T17:59:00.000-05:00

Not hardly. I've got it easy.

RUN THROUGH THE SHADOWS

2005-02-02T18:32:00.000-05:00

I go to all your blogs and you lazy fucks never post and it makes me so mad. But I don't post too often either, do I? Sometimes I post nothing for two months at a time.

Maybe if this blog had more of a theme, I'd have some sort of direction. Right now I'm thinking porno.

GOLDEN YEARS

2005-01-28T17:58:00.000-05:00

So you pour the water up his ass, squeeze his crotch and the water shoots out of his mouth?

DO YOUR HOMEWORK

2005-01-27T17:02:00.000-05:00

You're not hard enough. Harden! Be hard on yourself. Get your hard on. A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall. Har-Dee-Har Har!

I get a little caffeine in me and I get real enthusiastic, really wired and focused and jittery and ready to burst with lust for life.

"There's six Global Divisions" aparently.

Does anyone ever come here anymore?

PLANET OF THE WOLVES

2005-01-27T15:32:00.000-05:00

Hello Guitar Wolf.

EXPANDING TIGER EMPIRE

2005-01-18T16:46:00.000-05:00

The World according to Jack Kirby

GOULET VOUS COUCHER AVEC MOI

2005-01-10T14:37:00.000-05:00

Claaaassssss.

FRANK

2004-12-31T13:54:00.000-05:00

Don't nerd-out too hard in front of these girls.

BRIAN

2004-12-29T15:54:00.000-05:00

Hello Brian Jones.

VERMIN

2004-12-23T17:08:00.000-05:00

The fucking mice are back, scurrying around my apartment and ruining my goddamned life. Now I'm very glad that Mr. Fancypants is coming to spend a week with us. His breed was basically designed to kill rats. What do I do when he leaves? Fuck it! I'm getting a cat.

SHATNER SECRETS

2004-09-29T20:01:00.000-04:00

This is My Captain.
"Too Long Ago, Too Far Apart, They Couldn't Wait Another Day For... The Captain of The Heart".
Shatner has moved on. He doesn't do the conventions. In fact, he fucking hates Trekkies.

Trekkies, by the way, are nearly at the bottom of the geek-heap. The bottom rung I think is occupied by the "furries" (google it). Above Furries we have Trekkies. Above them we have the D&Ds (having read the Lord of the Rings does not make you one of those, don't worry). Sort of next to them but slightly above are Comic Book Geeks or "Fanboys". The only thing that saves them (by tenuous association, at best) from possibly sliding down a rung or two are their cooler cousins, the ones who read Clowes, Crumb, Spiegleman and Doucet and who also read books and are friends with women or (gasp!) are women. Once we get past the Fanboys, we're sort of in the clear. The Star Wars fanatics appear to be able to lead reasonably well-adjusted lives. You just need to disregard their casual references to the "Force".

And anyway, all those things are better than liking sports.

D-Z

2004-09-11T13:56:00.000-04:00

Never understood a single word he said, but he always had some mighty fine rhymes.

HEAVY

2004-09-11T11:47:00.000-04:00

I circumvent this band. It's a long way around, but it's worth it. I'm allergic to Robert's shrill witch yelps.

THROUGH THE PAST, DARKLY

2004-08-30T00:52:00.000-04:00

Last week I had hayfever and on top of this a bad cold. And they wouldn't let me call in sick for work, or rather they wouldn't give me a paid sick day. I am poor. I owe people and banks money. Fuck you. I went to work and got muccus on everything.
Fine, fine. It's okay. I'm getting a new job soon (hopefuly) that pays much better. Fini le retail. Let's go to the office. Lets wear ties. I look very nice in a shirt and tie, actually. I'll grow my hair out a little and make it modish.
Also, father and I are flying down to the Big Apple mid-september. The last time pops and I went on a trip together I was 12 and we took the train down to DC.

Props to Skylar for having a blog that I get a chuckle out of. Or should I say, for having a blog out of which I get a chuckle? From which I get a chuckle? Chuckles emenate from me whilst I peruse the contents herein... Thusly...

WE SHALL FALL

2004-08-29T19:59:00.000-04:00

IDIOT WIND

2004-08-27T23:04:00.000-04:00

Yeah so the last three records I bought are

And I think the next three I get will be

but that is subject to change.

LEONARD, JOANNA, MATTHEW & ELEANOR

2004-08-27T22:33:00.000-04:00

FUCK IT

2004-08-17T22:28:00.000-04:00

On Nine Inch Nail's The Downward Spiral, you know that sample before (I think it's) March of the Pigs? Well that was taken from THX 1138.
Gangstarr had a video for (I think it was) You Know My Steez that is more or less a 4 minute remake of THX 1138.
If you haven't seen THX 1138 you really ought to. It's not that good, but it's fucking cool. Kind of like Vanishing Point (two-hour car chase). George Lucas directed this. When he was in college. Fucking Zoetrope Brats.

FUCK

2004-08-17T02:39:00.000-04:00

The vacation is over. Tomorrow it's back to the slave pit, busting my back for peanuts. Tomorrow we focus on Customer Service.

I got some sort of booklet before I left about what the company goals are for this quarter. They are:

Customer Service
Sales

Which is fucking bizarre because last trimester they were:

Sales
Masturbating in front of children

So I don't know what is going on with this company.

HANSI: THE GIRL WHO LOVED THE SWASTIKA

2004-08-17T02:18:00.000-04:00

What's up with the little punk kids with the anti-swastika hoodies. They're fighting the nazis? I hate rape but I don't wear anti-rape themed clothing. I do my part by not raping anyone and not commiting genocide. It's not always easy, but i think it's worth it.

HUMAN DESIGN SYSTEM

2004-08-17T02:05:00.000-04:00

RA URU HU

THE VIRTUE OF SELFISHNESS

2004-08-12T00:21:00.000-04:00

Really, I've got nothing to complain about. But...

Disapearance. Invisibility. Intangibility. Emptiness.

What can be said about the lion's share of co-dependants is that insufficient data corrupts the whole of the core across it's breadth and width until lately tempers flare citing antisemitism as a likely cause shifting west blowing that-a-way until finally resting in a corn field just north of here. Several times I've seen the evenings filter in leaving me to question the validity of overgrown patches of dusk peppering the ocean floor in a zig-zag pattern reminiscent of Cage's Law of Opposites and the endearing little way in which she asks for deliverance takes my breath away and towards urgency and terrible cries of anguish switching back and forth, to and fro all across the spectrum, off the ridge and down into the tell-tale musings of a man twice her age.

ALONE AGAIN OR

2004-08-11T00:10:00.000-04:00

I am not enjoying myself. The mornings are especially hard.

Perspective. Values. Anxiety.

MIDDLE CLASS

2004-08-07T02:28:00.000-04:00

Today I went to Lafontaine park and played catch with Eight Hundred & Thirty-Five until my arm got sore. Then we watched an inning of Little League baseball. Then we walked through the park, around the pond and looked at ducks. We saw albino squirrels. We saw tiny fish in the pond. We saw a big bronze statue of Felix Leclerc.

Eight Hundred & Thirty-Five told me that right now Leonard Cohen lives in a Bhuddist monastery and that he serves a monk, doing his laundry and cooking his meals. I'm going to do some research and find out if this is true or not and then I'll write you a report.

BARBARISM

2004-08-06T15:53:00.000-04:00

KING VS BIRD

2004-07-30T01:48:00.000-04:00

DEAD IS THE NEW ALIVE

2004-07-27T01:13:00.000-04:00

Do you know the SCP?

UP THE BRACKET

2004-07-27T00:14:00.000-04:00

I am a big fan of the Libertines. Ask anyone.

Often, in the middle of a conversation about something not at all relating to the Libertines, I will ask someone: "Hey, do you like the Libertines?" because I have just thought about them and how great they are and I need to vocalise it, even if that means totally disrupting a good conversation.

I am a big fan of good conversation. Ask anyone.

But I want to have more conversations about the Libertines.

Also: Are the Kings of Leon british?

FIRST WE TAKE MANHATTAN

2004-07-26T23:50:00.000-04:00

Stuck apes crossing the court
My rights have transformed
Into overweight shipments
Alive and unspoilt
Gliding at night
Over glass-covered ports
Old handsome oaks
Plead their case to my god
Round the tender young mounds
Of my daughter's last sun.

I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD

2004-07-26T11:49:00.000-04:00

Can someone please explain to me why everytime I eat I feel nauseous.

I like eating. I eat three meals a day. Sometimes I eat snacks. I am not anorexic. But everytime I have a meal I feel like barfing afterwords.

Why?

EL RON

2004-07-21T01:31:00.000-04:00

My first girlfriend spent her childhood in a scientology group home eating nothing but spaghetti and oatmeal for three years. Her father was a captain in the Scientology Navy. I saw pictures of him in his uniform. I went to his home once. We had cheese fondue and then we all went ballroom/line dancing.

My prom sucked. I got in shit for telling my girlfriend I wanted to go without her. She cried and yelled at me so I changed my mind. At this point I really hated her. I don't know why, but I couldn't bring myself to dump her. On prom night, I got drunk rather quickly. I hardly remember her being there and I was probably avoiding her as much as possible. What I really wanted was to fuck someone else that night. Emboldened by booze, for a minute I really thought it was going to happen with Mathilde but the logistics were too complex and I gave up. I ended up passing out in my hotel room around one AM with the GF who was rrrrrrreally not in the mood for sex while my friends went out and took drugs and partied and did not sleep.

I went out with her for two & and a half years roughly and to this day I regret it. It should have lasted two weeks. She was crazy. She fucked me up. We broke up when I went to college. I was in school full-time and working 25 hours a week somehow. I'd see her on Sunday afternoons. We tried to stay friends, mostly so we could keep fooling around but that didn't work out. And I'd met a girl at school that I quite fancied.

My Neck Hurts

2004-07-20T00:14:00.000-04:00

Grab That Gun by The Organ
Usually when Aurore makes those this-band-sounds-like-this-band-meets-that-band-covering-these-bands comparisons I roll my eyes but this time I've got to give it to her: The Organ sounds like Morrissey writing songs for Debbie Harry backed by first line-up Cure. There it is. It's that simple. Bear in mind, I don't give a rat's-ass about derivitiveness so long as you do it well. Took me a couple of listens to get past Katie Sketch's heavy Blondie accent but now I'm soaking up the misery. And girls writing love songs about girls sounds a lot like boys writing love songs about girls. And Katie Sketch is a fucking fox.

Really Truly Deeply

2004-07-03T14:51:00.000-04:00

2004-06-28T01:16:00.000-04:00

Kid god is real unless declared integer tomato kid f*ck share & ferenghi's.

2004-06-05T11:38:00.000-04:00

Sorry, I haven't updated in a while. I was in a pretty bad accident that has left me paralyzed from the waist down, and I received third degree burns over 90% of my body. Doctor Mitchell says it's a miracle I'm even alive.

2004-05-13T01:22:00.000-04:00

Okay! Now the whole world can say they saw a snuff movie.

As the Flames Rose to Her Roman Nose

2004-05-12T01:27:00.000-04:00

I can't stop listening to Bows & Arrows by The Walkmen. It's a very lonesome-feeling record. They make this sound with their guitars that reminds me of Godspeed You Black Emperor's Lift Your Skinny Fists (which by the way is a fucking masterpiece and the piece-de-resistance of the whole post-rock period).

2004-05-07T00:28:00.000-04:00

Okay, we all know these:

But do we know these?:

When the Sex Pistols ended, Rotten changed his name back to Lydon and started Public Image Limited. Terry Hall left the Specials with fellow singers Golding and Staple and started Fun Boy Three. Mick Jones left the Clash and started Big Audio Dynamite. Pattern!

2004-05-03T00:11:00.000-04:00

James Osterberg

The Rules

2004-05-02T22:41:00.000-04:00

-Don't talk during the movie. If you are that person behind me that can't stop talking, I am that person in front of you that will turn around and ask you to shut it. I am that guy and I am not patient. If you keep talking I will get out of my seat and sit down next to you or maybe in the seat behind you, and in a condescending tone explain to you exactly why your behavior is intolerable. Asshole.

-Don't stand in front of the door when I'm trying to get out of the subway. Here's how it works: First you let the people get out, then you get in. I know it's really hard to think about people that aren't you but you live in the city and most people aren't you. If this is too complicated, that's fine. You and your kind can form a human wall of retards, desperately muscling and cramming your way in. I will smash through your ranks and you will taste elbow.

-Don't piss on the seat. Dude. Duuuuuuude... First off, why didn't you use the urinal? You obviously have aiming problems. You're terrified someone will try to sneak a peek, aren't you? You have size issues. Fine, go get some privacy in a stall. But for God's sake, raise the seat with the tip of your shoe! And fucking FLUSH! Again, use your shoe! You're not going to get AIDS thru your shoe, brother. But wait a minute... you don't care about germs because you just walked out without washing your hands. Oh I see, other people's germs are gross but yours are holy. Go forth and bless all the doorhandles and handrails with your divine piss-covered touch.

EVERYTHING IN IT'S RIGHT PLACE

2004-04-25T16:20:00.000-04:00

Not a bum note on this one. And it's waaaay beyond Ok Computer, especially if you consider Amnesiac as Disc Two, since they're both from the same sessions and were released less than a year apart.

America by Allen Ginsberg

2004-04-15T00:14:00.000-04:00

America I've given you all and now I'm nothing.
America two dollars and twenty-seven cents January 17, 1956.
I can't stand my own mind.
America when will we end the human war?
Go fuck yourself with your atom bomb
I don't feel good don't bother me.
I won't write my poem till I'm in my right mind.
America when will you be angelic?
When will you take off your clothes?
When will you look at yourself through the grave?
When will you be worthy of your million Trotskyites?
America why are your libraries full of tears?
America when will you send your eggs to India?
I'm sick of your insane demands.
When can I go into the supermarket and buy what I need with my good looks?
America after all it is you and I who are perfect not the next world.
Your machinery is too much for me.
You made me want to be a saint.
There must be some other way to settle this argument.
Burroughs is in Tangiers I don't think he'll come back it's sinister.
Are you being sinister or is this some form of practical joke?
I'm trying to come to the point.
I refuse to give up my obsession.
America stop pushing I know what I'm doing.
America the plum blossoms are falling.
I haven't read the newspapers for months, everyday somebody goes on trial for
murder.
America I feel sentimental about the Wobblies.
America I used to be a communist when I was a kid and I'm not sorry.
I smoke marijuana every chance I get.
I sit in my house for days on end and stare at the roses in the closet.
When I go to Chinatown I get drunk and never get laid.
My mind is made up there's going to be trouble.
You should have seen me reading Marx.
My psychoanalyst thinks I'm perfectly right.
I won't say the Lord's Prayer.
I have mystical visions and cosmic vibrations.
America I still haven't told you what you did to Uncle Max after he came over
from Russia.

I'm addressing you.
Are you going to let our emotional life be run by Time Magazine?
I'm obsessed by Time Magazine.
I read it every week.
Its cover stares at me every time I slink past the corner candystore.
I read it in the basement of the Berkeley Public Library.
It's always telling me about responsibility. Businessmen are serious. Movie
producers are serious. Everybody's serious but me.
It occurs to me that I am America.
I am talking to myself again.

Asia is rising against me.
I haven't got a chinaman's chance.
I'd better consider my national resources.
My national resources consist of two joints of marijuana millions of genitals
an unpublishable private literature that goes 1400 miles and hour and
twentyfivethousand mental institutions.
I say nothing about my prisons nor the millions of underpriviliged who live in
my flowerpots under the light of five hundred suns.
I have abolished the whorehouses of France, Tangiers is the next to go.
My ambition is to be President despite the fact that I'm a Catholic.

America how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?
I will continue like Henry Ford my strophes are as individual as his
automobiles more so they're all different sexes
America I will sell you strophes $2500 apiece $500 down on your old strophe
America free Tom Mooney
America save the Spanish Loyalists
America Sacco & Vanzetti must not die
America I am the Scottsboro boys.
America when I was seven momma took me to Communist Cell meetings they
sold us garbanzos a handful per ticket a ticket costs a nickel and the
speeches were free everybody was angelic and sentimental about the
workers it was all so sincere you have no idea what a good thing the party
was in 1935 Scott Nearing was a grand old man a real mensch Mother
Bloor made me cry I once saw Israel Amter plain. Everybody must have
been a spy.
America you don're really want to go to war.
America it's them bad Russians.
Them Russians them Russians and them Chinamen. And them Russians.
The Russia wants to eat us alive. The Russia's power mad. She wants to take
our cars from out our garages.
Her wants to grab Chicago. Her needs a Red Reader's Digest. her wants our
auto plants in Siberia. Him big bureaucracy running our fillingstations.
That no good. Ugh. Him makes Indians learn read. Him need big black niggers.
Hah. Her make us all work sixteen hours a day. Help.
America this is quite serious.
America this is the impression I get from looking in the television set.
America is this correct?
I'd better get right down to the job.
It's true I don't want to join the Army or turn lathes in precision parts
factories, I'm nearsighted and psychopathic anyway.
America I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

When the Man Comes Around

2004-04-11T13:20:00.000-04:00

Yes. Yes I am.

Happy Easter everybody.
I can't wait until the year 2033. Then it will have been 2000 years since Jesus was resurrected, like some vampire-zombie god.
How long has Jesus been coming? It seems like he's been on his way for ever. When is he going to get here? I guess it's a long walk from Heaven to here. From Here to Eternity. Let's go, Christ! Pick up the pace! Let's get this show on the road!

The Wizard

2004-04-06T00:02:00.000-04:00

If you scroll down, you'll see a post with a scan of an old magazine called OZ. See? The one with the Hell's Angel & a subjugated "Mamma" on the cover (I posted that cuz I was reading Hell's Angels by Hunter S. Thompson at the time. If you haven't read it you really ought to). Fucking cool cover, I thought. Nice design, could have been the cover of Thompson's book. Same gonzo vibe. Far out, man! So I went and found an archive of all the Oz Magazine covers, and Ho-Lee Shit!

Number 8

Number 31

Number 3

I wish I could post them all. Every single one is beautiful. Here's the link:
http://alt.venus.co.uk/weed/zines/oz01_04.htm
Enjoy!

Where Have All the Skinheads Gone?

2004-04-05T02:52:00.000-04:00

About a week ago I went to see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind at my local multiplex. If you haven't seen it yet, go now. If you're worried about Mr. James Carrey doing that awkward "serious actor" dance, don't. He's amazing in it. So's Frodo Baggins. The little shit is the villain of the piece. He plays the conniving girlfriend stealing psycho to a tee and it might just wash all that career-ending hobbit makeup right off.

Anyway, after the movie I head for the lavatory. As I'm washing my hands I spot this kid walking in, maybe eighteen or nineteen years old, shaved head, glasses, bomber jacket, doc martens and... What the FUCK IS THAT? A big round patch on his right-breast, white with a black circle and a black cross thru it... Now I'm no expert in racist symbology but I know what THAT means. We make eye contact. He picks a urinal, and as if to confirm my suspicions, right at the bottom of his jacket: rectangular white patch and in black gothic lettering the words "Aryan Youth League" or "Nazi Youth Corps" or some such thing. So I'm drying my hands and staring at the little shit and he's staring right back at me with a look saying "What?".

Back outside I tell Charlie and 835 about it. Charlie wants to stick around to see this thing, but we split. I'm seething. I'm having violent fantasies about throwing this kid at a brick wall, ridiculous seeing as I haven't fought anyone since grade 8. We leave by the wrong exit and as we circle the building I'm half-hoping, half-dreading seeing him come out of another door. If we run into him I'll stare him down, Charlie'll say something really mean, he'll say something back to her and then I'll lose it. I'll push him hard against the glass-plate window. As he hits it the crowd will freeze. He'll lunge at me but I'll grab him by his coat, twist him around and whip him into the street and into traffic, or no into some couple on a date... A hundred dirty little fights play out in my head as we pass the doors, my heart is beating kind of fast and I'm grinding my teeth. My eyes dart around looking for a shaved head. He doesn't materialize. All I see are teenagers, three skateboards two white and one black... "See you little nazi fuck, you're an anachronism!" Another block and I'm berating myself for being such a putz. Like I was going to get in a fight. That's what he wants, right? Proof that there's a race war going on in the streets of Montreal... Shit... Like he was even worried about me, probly gets way meaner looks from jewish grandmothers.

Still, though: A few months ago when Ronnie got stabbed my a bunch of Skins outside the Biftek he intoned: "Shit, man! You guys still exist?!

WTF! Sometimes, around town I'll see a couple of Spirit of Sixty-Nine guys (one white & one black) or that bunch of acid-wash punk-skins I used to see at all the ska shows, stupid & harmless & not stabbing anyone. In high school there were these SHARPS (Skin Heads Against Racial Prejudice) who nonetheless got into fights with the haitian crew twice a week.

Go fuck yourselves.

Yech!

2004-04-04T17:24:00.000-04:00

What is it with me and ugly web-pages.

A far far prettier page to look at is My Shit Don't Stink. Pretty colours!

Right now I am going thru the paper to find a place to live. I downloaded a public transit map of the city because I don't know the names of any streets. I am drinking coffee and procrastinating actually calling any numbers because I have a powerful fear of talking on the phone. It makes me nervous.

WATCH THAT MAN

2004-04-02T00:37:00.000-05:00

I had a cup of joe at quarter to ten and now I'm wired. I'm UP. I'm fucking a-wake, chain smoking and I won't be able to fall asleep until 3. Fine. Tomorrow it's Friday and every one knows - there's this understanding - that a day of work if it's on a Friday is not to be taken seriously in any capacity unless it is for discussing plans for the weekend, of which I have none, save for finding a new place to live, which is my main goal right now. I live in Verdun at the moment, right by the aqueduct, and Fuck this place, man. This burgh blows. It's lamesville. Which is why I'm the Chairman of the Bored.

One of my favorite things is rock sax. I luuuurrve rock saxophone. Think of your favorite rock song. If it doesn't have sax in it, imagine if it did. Doesn't that sound nice? Bowie often had sax in his tunes. In fact he's an accomplished saxophonist. Roxy Music have always been horn heavy (horny). Glam in general was always keen on horns. Exile On Main Street is bathed in sax. And Coltrane! I'm not really a jazz buff (I just don't get it most of the time) but Coltrane fucking rocked. I just wish the Ramones and Sabbath had saxed up. Man, that would have been groovy. The Rapture played here last summer, and what really got me was they somehow AUGMENTED half their tunes with motherfuckin sax. So if you're starting a rock n roll band please consider adding some Jazz nerd because you will rock more and he will get a taste of what it's like to play music for people interested in something beyond mere chin-stroking.

Jazz is dead. They teach it at Universities for fuck's sake. And that's a warning to all those bespectacled schmucks enrolling in courses in Hip Hop Culture that are popping up here and there: Every thesis is a nail in the coffin.

Metal is the new Jazz. Virtuosity is fine for nerds and compulsive masturbators but if you don't have soul, you cease to exist. You're speaking aramaic.

Gimme Skelter

2004-03-26T01:57:00.000-05:00

Tiger Uppercut!

2004-03-20T21:28:00.000-05:00

Read this it's funny.

PERMANENT VACATION

2004-03-17T09:20:00.000-05:00

I woke up with AMAZING by Aerosmith schtuck in my head. Why? I feel anything but.

SPANISH BOMBS

2004-03-17T00:24:00.000-05:00

Predator is a two-governor movie. So is Running Man. Both films feature Arnold Schwarzenegger & Jesse Ventura. On the Running Man DVD there's a little documentary tacked on about the Patriot Act. It's weird because the movie is fucking stupid. It's supposed to be saying something about media-control & propaganda but really its just Arnold killing other steroid cases and stabbing lawyers with pens. The doc, however, illustrates point by point how the american government is systematically eroding civil rights with the Patriot Act. It's informative and scaaaaaaary.

Good thing I'm canadian.

Aldous

2004-03-11T01:51:00.000-05:00

“One Folk, One Realm, One Leader. Union with the unity of an insect swarm. Knowledgeless understanding of nonsense and diabolism. And then the newsreel camera had cut back to the serried ranks, the swastikas, the brass bands, the yelling hypnotist on the rostrum. And here once again, in the glare of his inner light, was the brown insectlike column, marching endlessly to the tunes of this rococo horror-music. Onward Nazi soldiers, onward Christian soldiers, onward Marxists and Muslims, onward every chosen People, every Crusader and Holy War-maker. Onward into misery, into all wickedness, into death!” (from Island, 1962)

Mother Superior Jumped the Gun

2004-03-10T00:34:00.000-05:00

I hear the word "hipster" a lot. It's a term that is thrown around quite a bit these days. It's as if it used to be hip to be hip but now there's a hipster-backlash. What the feck is a hipster? Trucker cap? Two-tone faux-hawk asymetrical mullet? By calling out a hipster are you trying to insinuate you are hipper than he or she? Or that you are beyond hipsterdom, yet still able to recognize it when it rears it's trendy coiffe?

Am I a hipster? Are you?

Let someone please define hipster so that I may check myself.

Hipsternips. Nipsters.

Nippon, i think, is the old word for Japan.

They call it Myanmar now, but it will always be Burma to me.

I haven't internetted in a while, but I hear things are going awry for the Pentagon.

Black Sabbath by Black Sabbath

There's nothing here as anthemic as Iron Man or as epic as War Pigs. It's more or less just heavy blues rock. There's even some soloing that doesn't sound like wank. They recorded it in 3 days. It's the sound of four guys bad-tripping on weed in a shitty industrial town and desperately wanting to get out by smashing on the blues and cranking up the amps to get everyone's attention. And the cover-art fucking RULES!

Oh yeah, it's also the first metal record, basically.

ALL YOUR DREAMS ARE OVER NOW

2004-02-27T09:45:00.000-05:00

The YYYs were BOOOOOORIIIIIIIIIING!
Don't know if I'm still going to marry Karen O. She lost a lot of weight. She was slender. And anyway her boyfriend is Angus, singer of Liars. How am I supposed to compete with that?
They didn't suck. They were just so much better last summer when they opened for Bjork.

TV On the Radio were good. Happy birthday M'tumbe (or whatever your name is). Dude can sing.

In other news, the dark, brooding rock of the Stills did not make it on to Craig Kilborn. It apeared as though they were bumped (industry term) by the effervescent (& Will & Grace alumni) Harry Connick Jr.. I invented this story in my head where Harry was all like: "Aw, fuck those little pissants, Craigers. I was selling records when they were sucking their mommie's teets" and so they bumped the Stills. Yeah well FUCK YOU HCJR. Tim & I were on Craig Kilborn a couple years back. In the audience. The whole experience made us feel slutty and used. We didn't even get Tshirts. They coerce you into screaming your throat bloody for "celebrities" you don't give two shits about, and when it's over they lead you outside the studio back into street like it's a fire drill. Then they slam the door. Craig Kilborn isn't funny.

Plus, he was TOTALLY cheating on his girlfriend in Old School.
We did see Kessenya (how the fuck does she spell her name?). She was thinking about cheating on Dave. She fake laughed. The joke wasn't funny.

BOMB THE PENTAGON

2004-02-25T22:24:00.000-05:00

Primal Scream's album Evil Heat was going to be called Bomb the Pentagon. Then, an evil terrorist organisation flew a passenger plane into the pentagon. I guess simply bombing it sounded kind of uninspired after that. Anyways, no one bought that CD. I kind of like Screamadellica but in general Gillespie's music sounds really contrived. They're okay, they're just not anybody's favorite band.

I get over 500 hits a month now (yes, that's a lot to me). This is Pentagon related. I'm not talking about Rumsfeld's favorite hang out. I'm referring to Liney-Nose, Cieve, Viv, The Girl That Only Wears Black and Pubeless. They're all "badge" or something. They are the most fun people to go out with. One of them looks like me, but pretty like a girl. One of them screams a lot.

2004-02-25T00:44:00.000-05:00

Iggy

Ziggy

Twiggy

Biggie

Conspiracy Theory Rock

2004-02-24T21:24:00.000-05:00

Matthew, why was ET in the coffee maker?

2004-02-21T16:28:00.000-05:00

Ultimate Nullifier

2004-02-21T02:55:00.000-05:00

Thin trails survive underwater. Shapely women glide demurely down unsafe passageways. Trains buckle. Short, sharp shocks cascade. Breathless masked cuckolds creep apart, crinkle in the sun. Deep pits trace contours. Parades wind out among giant siccamores. Hellish moores tackle sovereigns. Cardinals are summarily executed.

No one ever said "I wanna be a junky when I grow up".

2004-02-19T00:00:00.000-05:00

These little bastards look like little assholes but they're in the running for Best Band In the World Right Now and like 5 KinderDeus Awards which are little trophies I hand out (in my head) to amazing fucking kickass bands that rule. If you don't like them I don't want to talk to you anymore. They are Erase Errata. I don't know their names, or their genders (and I've been staring at this picture for three minutes. It's at least two girls!).

Their album cover rules.

I can't completely love a record if the cover sucks. The fact is, it's not that hard to have a cool album cover. TONS of perfectly shitty bands have amazing album covers. Kiss is a good example:

& Yes:

All I do all day is stare at snazzy album covers and wonder what the records sound like. Then I spin them and it's just shitty prog-rock.

Hair History Photos

2004-02-17T10:04:00.000-05:00

This guy's website is a chronicle if you will of his hair getting longer. Why?

Logical Conclusion

2004-02-16T22:06:00.000-05:00

Beautiful Pencil Drawings of Skinheads Fucking. I don't know why. Where's Bruce LaBruce?

You're dangerous.

2004-02-13T00:15:00.000-05:00

Whatever. I don't care. Do what you want.

2004-02-12T22:53:00.000-05:00

Whatever. I don't care. Do what you want.

They Were Wrong So We Drowned

2004-02-12T01:15:00.000-05:00

Where are the poetry slams nowadays? They've turned into poultry-scams. Spoken word doesn't work. Why are you talking like that. Jus' talk regular, we can take it. Just be conversational. Don't use that tone of voice with me.
Where's the fucking reference point? What am I supposed to compare this to? What is this?
Static. Vague. New Wave. No Wave. Brave New World.
Nitschean. Orwellian. Dickensian. Marxist. Wagnerian.
Dada.

Sgt. Slaughter & Vader if you know your pro-wrestlers. Big in Japan.

See now this... THIS! I can't believe how PERFECTLY FUCKED UP this is. On so many levels. Every six seconds I see a whole new level. "When I hear the word culture I take out my cheque book".
I'm sorry if I'm getting all Adbusters on you. Hey, you know what proves Adbusters right the most? The fact that Adbusters SUCKS so bad. We need to round up all the graphic designers and commercial artists and cut off their hands. Andy Warhol painted the Cambell's soup can. BOOM! Then he has millions of babies, and all they know is how to design Nikes and paint Absolut bottles.

Infant Girl Dies After 2nd Head Removed

2004-02-11T02:50:00.000-05:00

Craniopagus Parasiticus.

Suicide Club. A cokehead on the subway kept dropping his PENNY on the floor and mumbling "Fuck!" and picking it up again and dropping it again. And sniffling. And going through his pockets. And switching seats. And when he would reach down to get his penny the top of his head would touch my arm. I had the feeling he was trying to tell me something without using the usual channels.

Fight Racism with Racism

2004-02-08T14:13:00.000-05:00

Coat of Arms

2004-02-08T14:07:00.000-05:00

I'll do the dishes tomorrow.

2004-02-05T23:35:00.000-05:00

Brainwashed!

Remi!

Weasel!

as in Don't try to weasel your way out of this one, mister! This is at the very leasta misdemeanor!

I don't hate italics. I feel good about italics. Whot drives me insane with rage is when the whole thing is italicized, and then there's a word within the italicization that is further italicized, resulting in a double-italizication. The word is then written in the default up-right mode. When you read that it sounds like someone was speaking enthusiastically, end then just mumbled something in the middle.